Waitin’ for the dude

Everyone’s got some sort of a notion of right and wrong.

I was in front of the church, watering the plants.  I sprayed the flower box, making sure that the nozzle was on “mist” so as to not damage our tender, newly planted flowers.  I also inspected the bed for the usual, inner-urban street paraphernalia—trash, candy-wrappers, cups and bottles, pet waste, and such.  Of course, the artifacts of darker trades are often found in the bushes and beds of the church, too: needles, broken pipes with the pot residue painstakingly scraped off, spent lighters, and those tiny little zip-locks with just a couple of grains of street sugar left in them.  I noticed him sitting on the steps of the church, not looking at me, but up and down the street.

“Hey,” I said.  “How’s it going?”

“Fine, man.”  He didn’t look at me, so I knew that he’d already checked me out.

My hose was just a couple of feet away, and that alone usually causes people to get up and move on.  People don’t want to get in the way of the watering, and they certainly don’t want to get wet.  So, when someone stays, it’s for a reason.  Sometimes they want to talk.  Sometimes it’s for something else. 

“So, what’s the deal with all that water you’re sending down the sewer, man?”

I turned.  “Who, me?”

“Yeah, man. We’re trying to conserve water, not waste it on cleaning sidewalks, and you’re squirtin’ it all over the place.  If you’d plant earth-friendly species in the boxes you wouldn’t have to come out here and waste our water on keeping them alive like you do.  Makes me sick, man.”

“Sorry, man.  I’ll watch my aim.  Just want to keep the plants alive, you know.”

He looked down the street. Again.  “Whatever, man.”

“My name’s Ken.”

“Deter.”  Silence.

“I haven’t seen you around here before.  You live around here?”

“Yeah, just up the street a block or two.”

“Cool. Welcome.”

I continued to water, careful not to deliberately squirt any water onto the street or sidewalk (I mean, geez, I grew up here, too—I love salmon more than dams, and always try to “leave it as I found it,” etc…. I’m feeling misunderstood, almost as if he thought I was a Californian or something.), but also feeling a bit weird about the don’t-waste-the-water rap he’d given me.  I mean, it is Portland, after all, and although trees and rose bushes almost have voting status, we do have a lot of water and greenery.  In apocalyptic-type board games, where the United Statesis divided up into sectors, this section of the country usually ends up with a name like “Oceanica” or “Ecotopia.”

So, don’t ask me how I know it, but I know something isn’t right with Deter.  He’s looking around, a bit nervously, especially each time the light on the corner changes, and a new herd of cars drives by the church.  I take the plunge.

“So, who ya’ waitin’ for, man?”

“The dude.”

“What dude.”

“Just a dude.”

“Okay.”

Here’s the problem, at this point.  Deter is waiting for the dude, is annoyed with me for being here, but can’t leave.  And I’m definitely not going to leave, even if the ground was so wet that the plants were going to drown—I want to see how this will play out.  Obviously, Deter can’t contact the dude to tell him that a water-wasting, nosey other dude is watering in front of the church, and doesn’t look like he’s going to leave.  And for some reason, Deter must wait for the dude. 

“So why isn’t the dude just picking you up in front of your own place?  Why meet down here?”

Deter now feels caught, although he doesn’t seem to be angry at me, just a bit annoyed.  “Look, the dude is bringing me some pot, and I really, really need it for this screwed up back I have, okay, man?”  He looks up the street.

I stop the watering. 

“Sorry.  Hey, Deter.  You’re welcome anytime.  You’re a neighbor, and seem like a pretty good guy.  But the dude, and the pot—if you won’t have it in front of your own apartment, why bring it here?  Don’t do that again, okay?”

“Screw you, man.  Just stop dumpin’ our drinking water down the drain.”

Deter walked away.  The hardened paramedic in me noted that he didn’t have any trouble ambulating, and seemed free of all pain or discomfort.  I don’t think his back was the real problem.

I’ve seen him a couple of times since, said hello, but he hasn’t been interested in stopping.  I think of him every time I water, and every time I find a rig or a bent spoon in the bushes of the church. Everyone’s got some sort of a notion of right and wrong.  Did Deter cross his line between the two that day, or mine? 

Jude 24-25 Recovering from Spiritual Abuse: Remember the Sovereign Commitment of God 24-25

24 Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy, 25 to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.

 

This closing explosion of worship to God is one of the most inspiring found in Scripture.  The things that Jude says about God here are true, have always been true, and will be true forever.  In contrast, abusive leaders come and go, and they will keep on coming until the day the Christ rules from His earthly throne. 

As survivors of abusive ministries pick up the broken pieces of their lives and attempt to move ahead in their faith, Jude paints a picture for us of the blazing, eternal, overwhelming power of the God who loves us, will heal us, and is enraged at the abuse inflicted on His children by abusive “Christian” leaders.

To begin to breathe the fresh air of spiritual freedom again, after having lived in the dungeon of an abusive church, we must re-learn these great truths concerning God’s personal, eternal, changeless commitment to His children.

 

He will keep you from stumbling 24a

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling

The teachers and leaders who abused promised to lead their followers in a successful expression of faith, into a life of community, honesty, spiritual growth and safety.  Instead, they led them into turmoil, anguish, and various experiences of personal and relational failure.  Brothers and sisters, God doesn’t do that!  Whatever providential mystery or personal bad choice led to us being in an abusive ministry, healing begins when we look to a loving, perfect, all-powerful God to protect and guide us, not a human leader making divine promises that he can’t keep.

 

He will present you blameless with great joy 24b

and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy

After leaving an abusive church, the last place a believer either wants to be, or feels qualified to be, is in the presence of the glory of God.  When I left an abusive church, blamelessness and joy were NOT included in the feelings that I was experiencing!  As a victim and a perpetrator of sin, I felt I had been robbed of both of these qualities.  The ministries of false teachers do not prepare people to be comfortable in the presence of God, although they promise spiritual blessings and confidence at the outset; such experiences are often more illusive, just beyond the grasp, but never in the hand of their followers.  God, and not any human teacher or pastor, provides the forgiveness, acceptance, and genuine joy that we all crave.   

 

He is, was, and always will be, your sovereign Savior 25

25 to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.

Through the glorious, beautiful ministry of the Son, Jesus Christ, God has provided the “human” proof of His love for you, and is therefore worthy of our sincere, unbounded praise.  When the abusive pastor is met, he or she seems so much better than all others, so much more…charismatic…Christ-like…loving…passionate, etc.  You can fill in your own blank.  But we found that the qualities that we thought we had discovered were either counterfeited or eroding in our human leaders, and in time their failure and hypocrisy could no longer be hidden.  My point is this:  the things we thought we’d finally found in those leaders were always present for us in the Lord, “before all time and now and forever.”  He was your loving Father before you entered the cult, while you were in the cult, and now that you’ve left (I hope!), He still is there, to heal and restore you to spiritual health and joy.  I pray that you are learning to trust again, for He is so very much different than the leader(s) who hurt you.  If you’d like a detailed description of how God feels about a leader who abuses God’s children, take the time to read the 34^th of Ezekiel—you’ll find it very illuminating and encouraging!

 

Application:  Trust God for the healing, restoration, and confidence that you have lost.

 

This concludes my little study on the book of Jude.  Thanks so very much for reading, and for communicating with me!  I’ve heard from some great folks.  There are so many bruised, abused Christians out there, but also many who have escaped, and are being used by Him to minister to other victims and survivors.  If you are still “in,” and not able to leave, keep praying, keep developing a close, personal relationship with God, and feel free to contact me for prayer and for someone to communicate with confidentially.

Blessings,

Ken

 

Jude 22-23 Recovering from Spiritual Abuse: Rescue those who are trapped!

22 And have mercy on some, who are doubting; 23 save others, snatching them out of the fire; and on some have mercy with fear, hating even the garment polluted by the flesh.

 

Verses 22-23 of the letter of Jude speak of three different approaches toward those who are still in the grips of a false teacher.  There are opportunities galore for those who wish to care for brothers and sisters in Christ who have been wounded by a false teacher in his or her abusive ministry.  Perhaps as you progress through a process of healing from such an experience, the Lord would have you get involved in the great work of caring for His wounded children!  

 

Not all members of abusive groups are the same, just as all the members of any dysfunctional group do not play the same roles.  Here, Jude addresses the work of ministry to three unique types of members of abusive churches.  With great caution and wisdom, we can extend ourselves to care for those who are unsteady, unsaved, and unrepentant.

 

1.         We are to have compassionate regard for those who struggle with doubts.

And have mercy on some, who are doubting…

 

The dictionary defines doubt as “uncertainty of belief or opinion that often interferes with decision-making…” or, “…a deliberate suspension of judgment…”  This is a good description of the kind of doubt that often plagues those who belong to abusive ministries.  In those ministries, doubt is NOT tolerated, and is therefore often hidden behind some very overt, showy behavior designed to impress upon the leaders just how committed the (secret) doubter really is!  This approach causes the person to assume a type of default hypocrisy, where he/she acts or speaks in a way that is not consistent with belief.  The deeper, more sinister effect of this is that a person begins to doubt that they themselves are capable of discerning truth, ever!  The result is a type of emotional paralysis, in which a member of a church suspects something’s wrong, and that something goes against what they believe to be true, but since they no longer believe in their own ability to know what is true—they do nothing but try to “just get along with the group.”  We are to have mercy on such people.  Having mercy on such a person may just mean that I need to listen to them, draw them out, and provide a “safe-haven” of friendship for them, and avoid my desires to point out to them the error of their ways, their church, or their pastor.   I am to seek to win them, not an argument about their church!  You must understand, these folks have become experts at hiding their true feelings–even from themselves!  Oftentimes, friendship is the most powerful tool used by God to win a person out of an abusive cult.

 

2.         We are to confront those who are heading toward judgment.

…save others, snatching them out of the fire…

Paul wrote to Timothy that he was to gently correct those who had erred in the faith that “perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.”(2 Tim. 2:25-26).  There’s no dancing around the issue:  in the Bible the word flame is used to speak graphically and dramatically of judgment.  When I left an abusive ministry, it soon became very clear to me that not only had I been victimized, I had become a victimizer in many ways, and needed to repent of my own sins.  Before the judgment seat of Christ, I certainly would have found shame and consternation, had I not faced my own sins committed while supporting an abusive ministry.  I’m not addressing the “how-do-you-know-you-were-really-saved” issue, and neither does Jude in this verse.  I don’t know everyone’s circumstance, and so only speak for myself, but by the grace of God working on the prayers of loving friends and family, however, I was snatched out of the situation.  No one forced me and Sharon to leave, we just drove away, but as I look back on that day I think the friendship and loving confrontation of others provided fuel for our exodus, just as much as the gasoline in our Toyota!

 

3.   We are to maintain a cautious compassion for those who are still in sin.

…and on some have mercy with fear, hating even the garment polluted by the flesh.

 

We are to approach our friend who is embroiled in an abusive ministry with love and respect, all the while hating the atmosphere he/she lives in—whatever it is.  Immorality, false asceticism, abuse, addiction, self-righteousness, whatever the lifestyle, we are to be very, very cautious as we minister to those who hurt, and who have been caught up in sin—in the same way a doctor must be very vigilant so as to not contract the very disease from his patient that he is trying to heal. The garment that Jude speaks of is the soft, often seamless garment that was worn under the cloak.  This garment was worn closest to the body.  While you must love the person that you are helping out, you must see their sins (not them!) as filthy, disease-ridden clothing that will certainly be burned up in judgment.  If the victim is a Christian, you can be confident that the Holy Spirit is at work in their life–your kindness and emotional protection will go a lot further to help them recover from an abusive church than a rapid-fire barrage of truth and perspective.   Come to think of it, that’s the kind of stuff that pulled me into an abusive church…!!!  

 

Again, too long an entry for this format—there’s so much more to say, but thanks for visiting! Blessings,

Ken

Jude 20-21 Recovering from Spiritual Abuse–Remain in the Love of God!

20 But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, 21 keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting anxiously for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to eternal life.

 

Jude continues his instruction on how to recover from the ministries of false teachers by reminding his readers that they were to deliberately live their lives according to the love that God has for them.  The primary command of the verse is keep yourselves in the love of God” The various clauses surrounding this command serve to tell us how to obey the command itself.

 

To someone who is unfamiliar with the heartbreak of belonging to an abusive church, these commands may strike them as pretty basic, elementary stuff.  However, these areas are some of the primarily ones that are compromised in the lives of those who live under the abusive of a true false teacher, and they often become part of a syndrome of painful memories for those who have left such ministries.  People who leave such ministries question the love of God for them, given the pain of what they’ve been through.  They may have trouble believing that their prayers will be answered, or even that they have a right to pray, having belonged to such a defective form of Christianity.  Finally, they often have lost all hope for the immediate future, let alone the blessed hope of Jesus Christ actually returning one day to dispense mercy and kindness to the faithful in His church.  

 

“building yourselves up on your most holy faith”   We are to seek continued spiritual growth, both in our grasp of the theological truths of the Christian faith, and also in its practical outworking of the faith in the day to day decisions of life. 

 

“praying in the Holy Spirit”   We are to be committed to a life of prayer, making frequent, regular contact with our Father in heaven.  We are to seek and depend on the power of the Holy Spirit of God to assist us in our praying, enabling us to communicate with God, and to remain diligent in our prayer lives.

 

“waiting anxiously for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to eternal life.”  We are to live in a constant, eager state of expectancy and desire for the day when our Lord Jesus returns for us, His church.  As Christians we have received already the wondrous mercy of the Lord Jesus, in the deliverance from sin.  But there will come a day when we receive that mercy in the most incredible, intense way possible—in the presence of Jesus Christ at His return for His church.

 

Conclusion:  Recovery from an abusive church, or the ministry of an abusive leader, involves the commitment to remain in the love of God (20-21).  How do we do this?  We remain in the love of God by building up our faith, praying with reliance on the Holy Spirit, and developing an eager anticipation for the return of the Lord Jesus to the earth.